Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we're making bets on your personal life
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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