so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
