We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
