So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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