i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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