My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
