You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
