Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
