Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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