nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
