no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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