ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Randomize
