I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
