you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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