Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
Randomize
