I think i sorta joined a cult last night
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
