the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
