Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Randomize
