I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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