Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
