Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
