i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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