There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
