Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
smell my finger.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
