You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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