it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
