these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
