How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
