I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
