Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Randomize