3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
did you just send me my own nude
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Randomize
