even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
me + whiskey = a bad person
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Randomize
