wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
