He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
