I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I wish they made helmets for livers.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
