She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
