you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
