i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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