i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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