I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
