My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
