It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
