Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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