You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
there is glitter all over my balls
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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