The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
