News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
