nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
