I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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