I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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