so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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