Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
