I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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