Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Randomize
