I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
