Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
