chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
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