Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
