why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
