I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
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I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize