my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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