the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
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