I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
People in love make me want to vomit
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Randomize
