It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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