The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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