is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
