then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Randomize
