I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Randomize
