my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
