Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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