in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Randomize
