i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
now i know why i became what i already was.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
