It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
