...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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