theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
