Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
