My Higher Power is John Stamos
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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