Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I feel like death gave me a hand job
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
