I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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